Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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