the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
