Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
