what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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