well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
