Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
