I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
