ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
