If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
