I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
