and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
