It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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