Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
