Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Apparently you make a good broom.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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