i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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