I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
