Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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