we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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