You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
