I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
