I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
