Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mom said you looked used
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize