I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
