Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
