I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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