We won't sleep together?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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