i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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