There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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