Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
