My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
