i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
