Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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