i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize