Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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