just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
