that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize