Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
