He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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