Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
