Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
