have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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