I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
