Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is it because I queefed?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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