i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
