I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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