Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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