If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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