That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
