Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
