I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
