I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
