maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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