Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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