Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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