i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
