I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
