literally had 100 drinks last night.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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