shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
