I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
