Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize