Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
