Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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