He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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