We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
