if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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