Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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