WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
