he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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