woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
