I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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