I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize