im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
