capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize