'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
