This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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