ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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