I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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