Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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