woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
