Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
