Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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