My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
