You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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