I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
