it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
