Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
