I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
