dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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